I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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