I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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