how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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