I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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