he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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