it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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