the condom got lost in my hair
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
