Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
