just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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