Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
