I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
