Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
