You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
