Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize