i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
