Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
