The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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