I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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