just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
