Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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