Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
