He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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