It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
