they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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