I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize