i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
