She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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