I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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