sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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