Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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