YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
