I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
