now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
