he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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