Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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