also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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