it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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