My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So squirting runs in the family.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
