So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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