Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
