did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
