You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
