This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
