chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
