The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
