she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
