Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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