She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
