that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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