why didn't you poke me back
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
