hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
