woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The best revenge is premature balding
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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