i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
