This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
