She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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