My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
