I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
please come you make the beer taste better
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
