that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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