Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
