if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize