you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
