And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think your dad took our porno
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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