my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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