You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
