It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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