the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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