so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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