The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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