Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
