I think I won the penis lottery.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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