I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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