i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
