Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
