It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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