Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
