Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
