Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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