Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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