So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
