:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
