She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
