At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
