Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
