I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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