trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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