Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
