Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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