The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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