That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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