Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
