hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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