i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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