i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
