he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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