he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
