I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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